


Jesus Shoes

by hondagirll



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Family, Family Shenanigans, Gen, Utter ridiculousness, involving one expensive pair of shoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 07:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20991002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondagirll/pseuds/hondagirll
Summary: Alex finds a new pair of shoes for his abuelita. Penelope is not impressed.





	Jesus Shoes

“Abuelita!” Alex shouted as came down the hallway from his bedroom, his eyes transfixed on the phone in his hands. “Abuelita!”

“Ay, Papito!” chided Penelope from the kitchen table where she was on her laptop paying bills. “There is no need to yell. This is an apartment mijo, not the Taj Mahal.”

“Sorry Mami,” murmured Alex automatically as he finally looked up from his phone. “But have you seen Abuelita?” 

“She should be in her room,” answered Penelope. “But I’d knock because she said she was going to talk to your abuelito and well...you don’t want to see what I walked in on last week.” She grimaced and gave a small shudder. “You are far too young for that kind of horror.”

Lydia chose that moment to pull back her curtains and pause in the middle, calling out regally, “Ju called, Papito?”

“Yes! I found you a new pair of shoes.”

“Oooh,” Lydia dropped the curtain from her hands and walked over to her grandson, suddenly excited. “Fiery red with a small, satin heel that will make any man who looks at me instantly desire me even more? You are too good to me, nino.”

“Even better.” Alex passed her his phone with a small flourish. “Jesus shoes.”

“Jesus shoes?” repeated Lydia, her brow furrowed as she glanced at the screen. “I don’t…”

“Look,” Alex was beaming widely as he gestured to his phone. “Jesus shoes. They are perfect for you, Abuelita.”

“Jesus shoes?” scoffed Penelope in ridicule. “What kind of shoe crap is that?”

“The commercial kind,” interrupted Elena, suddenly appearing as she walked past them all to go into the kitchen. “It’s just showing yet again the awful low our society has currently descended to by mercilessly capitalizing and commercially religion in the most heretical of fashions.” She opened the refrigerator door to pull out the pitcher of water. Pouring it in a glass on the counter, she continued. “I mean, really. Is fifteen hundred dollars sneakers really what Jesus would want us to do with his message of kindness and forgiveness?”

“Fifteen hundred-” Penelope nearly fell over in her seat. She turned to her son. “Fifteen hundred dollars? For a pair of sneakers?!?!?”

“Well, they sold out within minutes so they are actually closer to three thousand now. Resale value and all,” admitted Alex with a small shrug.

“And I bet you they're all made in China,” Elena added huffily as she walked back to her room, water glass in hand.

“She’s probably right,” agreed Alex after a long pause as Penelope continued to gape at him in shock. His smile widened, his teeth perfectly white. “The color scheme is pretty dope though, not gonna lie.”

“It’s beautiful,” responded Lydia, her tone reverent as she continued to gaze at his phone. “Y mira Papito, it even has a crucifix on the laces. And red soles like the Pope.”

“And holy water in the heels,” Alex helpfully pointed out. “Blessed by a real priest. You could walk on water, Abuelita. Like Jesus.”

“_Oh_,” Lydia pressed a manicured hand to her heart and let out a small moan. “I could.”

“Okay, okay,” exclaimed Penelope as she got up, waving her hands widely .She refused to let this ridiculous nonsense go on any longer. “Enough.”

She pointed at her mother. “You are not buying three thousand dollar shoes. And you.” She pointed at her son. “Are not convincing your abuelita to buy a pair of three thousand dollar shoes. Are we clear?”

“But Mami,” protested Alex impishly. “Don’t you want Abuelita to have Jesus shoes? Don’t you care about her soul?”

“Si, ” agreed Lydia with a nod. “My poor soul needs these shoes. And my room too,” she added. “Because it matches my decor. Also,” she suddenly raised herself up in indignation as she looked at Penelope. “When did you start telling _ me _ what to do? I am your mami, Lupita. I tell _ ju _ what to do.”

“Okay then Mami,” Penelope cocked her head to the side and raised a single eyebrow. “Do you have three thousand dollars to spend on a single pair of shoes?”

Lydia looked at her slowly and then turned to look back at Alex. She deflated, sighing. “Oh Papito.” She handed him back his phone and then reached up to cup his face in her hands. “I am sorry, mi vida. Alas, I am just a simple woman who lives behind a curtain and can have no fancy things in her life.”

Penelope scoffed and rolled her eyes but held her tongue.

“It’s okay,” replied Alex as Lydia pressed a kiss to his cheek and then released him. “I figured it was a long shot. How about you, Mami?” He turned to his mother and teased. “You in the market for a pair of Jesus shoes?”

Penelope laughed. “Only if that water turns to wine, Papito.”

“It might,” said Alex. “They’ll probably make more pairs now that the demand is so high.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Penelope waving her hand at two of them in dismissal. She walked back to the kitchen table saying, “Now I don’t want to hear any more about these shoes, okay? Subject closed.”

Her butt had just touched the chair when the apartment door opened and Schneider suddenly bounded in, gleeful. “Have you heard about the new Jesus shoes, fam? Pretty awesome, right?"

He held up his phone in his right hand, his face alight with triumph. "I just ordered a pair!”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes these shoes do exist. More info can be found here and on google if you type in "jesus shoes": https://news.avclub.com/jesus-shoes-selling-for-1-500-are-filled-with-holy-w-1838958109
> 
> Also I hope I didn't offend anyone with this silly piece of nonsense. I just thought Alex and Lydia's reaction to the viral shoes would be funny and so I write it.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Jesus Shoes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737732) by [MistbornHero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistbornHero/pseuds/MistbornHero)


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